I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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