you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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