Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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