the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
