drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
