i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
