bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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