when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
