I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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