You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
