In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
