when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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