I'm really into asian looking animals
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
