He had one of those small greek statue penises
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
