He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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