somebody snuck up and got me drunk
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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