Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
