I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
