If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
