you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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