My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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