Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
