omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
