This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
