why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
