I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
