dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found puke in my bra..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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