Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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