You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
