I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
