6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
