I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
