i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
