you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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