When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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