He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
