and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
