so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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