Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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