Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
