Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The feeling are messing with the penis
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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