Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
