Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
