my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
