Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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