I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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