the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
