Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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