We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
