god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
