Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
