last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
