Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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