I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
