She's JV to your varsity
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hippo gnu deer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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