I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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