conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We smell like vodka and hangover
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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