I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
