life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
