she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
