Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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