Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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