I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
