12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
