so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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