At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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