It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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