I wish my penis had an off switch
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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