Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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