Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
