Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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