your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
