It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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