tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
