i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
