Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
