piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
