considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
