normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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