Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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