after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
