he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
