I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
