If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
