If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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