I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
