i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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