my vag is so smooth its legendary
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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