And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
