how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
