he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
